Unfortunately the abruptness of the change has left me ill prepared. But given that you were far from wilting when I last saw you, witnessing you in full bloom would surely be wondrous enough to dismiss any of my complaints.
Well, I'm not sure that walking about in my shift is entirely appropriate, but it certainly is for the weather.
Would you tell me more of your home? I've heard tales of the desert of Sumeru, far to the west of my nation, but it is inhospitable and largely empty. I've never had reason to visit.
If you truly contacted me to discuss the brutality of this so-called festival, I'm afraid I'll have to disappoint you. I'd prefer to give it as little thought as possible.
Can I beg you think of it for a few moments more? Only in the sense that we might wish to give some thought to what it might mean in the future, should the Duchess orchestrate a second round.
Though the timing seems very convenient, given the political situation, the Rubeans speak of it as an annual event. Despite what many of our peers think, the Duchess does not operate as a tyrant, or even particularly as a ruler at all. It is the people who matter, and were she to try to force a second round, as you put it, she would not only overstep her place, but play into the perception the Blackguard established during this hunt, significantly strengthening their position.
She isn't a fool. Lay your concerns to rest, Nikolai.
[ Agreement that blankets over all of Ningguang's summation, to the extent that Nikolai leaves it all to sit to ask: ]
Do you envision that when we see the construction completed, your inn raised and the gardens tended to and rooms open for those who wish to come, that those who choose to dwell there will remain strictly beholden to the demands of Rubean holidays?
Previously the understanding was that we were beholden while living within their walls. Those who lived outside could still come and go for work and trade. With the growth of the Zlatniki, that may become a more tenuous arrangement.
The nature of the holiday is a factor, too. Vesenya Lovti is a hunt, after all, it has no boundaries. We may have to consider declaring the inn neutral ground, during, and the possible consequences of that.
[ Though that's hardly a perfect example, which prompts Nikolai to move on to: ]
I'd like it to be a neutral ground. I think that's crucial to its success. We may speak to Mateus as to consequences for breaching that edict, but there are some who may consider punishment a price worth paying to pursue their goals into the inn and whatever else we build around it.
[ a beat, then ]
We needn't labor over it now. It's only been on my mind.
The library is within the city walls. While I'm sure declaring it neutral caused controversy, it wouldn't put it in as delicate a position as the inn. We must be careful how much we eschew the Rubean ways and traditions.
[Or, more specifically, flout the Duchess' edicts.]
But there are present concerns to deal with, before we can be comfortable enough to look so far ahead.
Text (nebulous time before the duchess' stomach shows up)
[This was hard to do, but Ianthe thought Ningguang might be able to help her work through something that's been bothering her for weeks and come to a head now that a line was crossed with Ianthe. But it wasn't as easy as she was sure everyone thought it should be. Ningguang was harsh but pragmatic.]
Ningguang, may I ask for your perspective on a matter than has been on my mind as of late?
[A few weeks ago, Ningguang would have been very surprised to hear from Ianthe. Now, the surprise remains, but it isn't so extreme. She'd seen Ianthe's reaction in the recent discussions.]
In your experience, when a person has dedicated their life to a goal - has worked, sacrificed, paid so much to achieve it - and has it right there in reach, but to take it from its source makes that person someone they don't want to be anymore... how do they reconcile wasting everything they have ever done and have it mean nothing?
One can't see the end of the journey from the beginning. Just because the ending may not be as you expected does not make the journey itself worthless. In fact, it may well have been necessary in order for you to learn, to become the person that you are, or want to be.
What's more, new paths are always available. Would you have stopped at the achievement of this one goal? There's always more you can reach for, Ianthe.
How am I supposed to leave everything I am behind, just throw it away like powdered bone plundered of all its thanergy? Just give up the only thing that made any of what I've done worth it, a pinnacle from which to move beyond the constraints of mortal time.
I don't know who I am if I'm not this. What use am I if I'm nothing? Everyone seems to think that this should be an easy, obvious decision, but it's not. They don't know what I'd be giving up.
I worked my entire life to become who I am. Lady Ningguang of the Jade Chamber, Tianquan of the Liyue Qixing. But here I am without the Jade Chamber, without the Qixing, and without Liyue. Am I not myself without these things? Am I nothing, without them?
Remove yourself from your achievements, Ianthe. From all of your acts, your connections and associations, all the comparisons you've bound yourself within. Look on yourself, then, and see your true worth, for it was you that forged these things. They did not forge you.
The possibility of it will always exist. Nothing truly lasts forever. Not money, not power, not even gods. You must accept that there are things you cannot change, so that you can be free to help the things you can.
She was. Then she got lost in the Void. She calls to me to save her... I hear her. All the time. Most of the time, I'm pretty sure that's just the Void using her voice - it drove me insane about a year ago.
But I don't know for sure. It could be her. It sounds just like her. I still feel her, like only a twin can.
And Kiriona came back. She was lost in the Void for eight months and popped back out like no time had passed. That means it's possible that Corona will return too.
I'll be clear, I say this next to demonstrate my meaning to you, not to speak ill of the Duchess.
Your sister is, as many have been over our time here, lost to the Void. Resurrection is therefore redundant. In fact, any gift the Duchess may offer you would be, as the Void is not something she can conquer entirely, or even face without aid.
I understand your meaning, but the knowledge I will gain has use and application in the future. One day, we will return home. One day, my sister will be with me. One day, she will die as she not immortal as I am.
With Resurrection, I can bring her back. My Lord refused to teach it to me; Zlatka will.
So tell me, how can I let that go? She's my other half.
And tell me, how will we return home? When will that be? Within your sister's lifetime?
Understand, I live with the hope that we will find a way to return, too. But to make plans on a guarantee of that is naive, especially when those plans cause harm to those currently around you.
This is your true choice, Ianthe. A future you cannot be certain of, or the present you are already living.
I've given you guidance as plainly as I can, but I won't deny I have my own hopes of which path you'll choose. That your steps may cross my own once more.
Regardless, though, I wish you peace and fortitude. Goodbye again, Ianthe.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
— voice
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Do you have appropriate clothing for the change in weather?
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Would you tell me more of your home? I've heard tales of the desert of Sumeru, far to the west of my nation, but it is inhospitable and largely empty. I've never had reason to visit.
mid-may
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I know there are others who have no had that same good fortune.
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Though the timing seems very convenient, given the political situation, the Rubeans speak of it as an annual event. Despite what many of our peers think, the Duchess does not operate as a tyrant, or even particularly as a ruler at all. It is the people who matter, and were she to try to force a second round, as you put it, she would not only overstep her place, but play into the perception the Blackguard established during this hunt, significantly strengthening their position.
She isn't a fool. Lay your concerns to rest, Nikolai.
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[ Agreement that blankets over all of Ningguang's summation, to the extent that Nikolai leaves it all to sit to ask: ]
Do you envision that when we see the construction completed, your inn raised and the gardens tended to and rooms open for those who wish to come, that those who choose to dwell there will remain strictly beholden to the demands of Rubean holidays?
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The nature of the holiday is a factor, too. Vesenya Lovti is a hunt, after all, it has no boundaries. We may have to consider declaring the inn neutral ground, during, and the possible consequences of that.
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[ Though that's hardly a perfect example, which prompts Nikolai to move on to: ]
I'd like it to be a neutral ground. I think that's crucial to its success. We may speak to Mateus as to consequences for breaching that edict, but there are some who may consider punishment a price worth paying to pursue their goals into the inn and whatever else we build around it.
[ a beat, then ]
We needn't labor over it now. It's only been on my mind.
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[Or, more specifically, flout the Duchess' edicts.]
But there are present concerns to deal with, before we can be comfortable enough to look so far ahead.
Text (nebulous time before the duchess' stomach shows up)
Ningguang, may I ask for your perspective on a matter than has been on my mind as of late?
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You may ask, yes.
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[Welcome to Ianthe's Sunk Cost Fallacy.]
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What's more, new paths are always available. Would you have stopped at the achievement of this one goal? There's always more you can reach for, Ianthe.
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I don't know who I am if I'm not this. What use am I if I'm nothing? Everyone seems to think that this should be an easy, obvious decision, but it's not. They don't know what I'd be giving up.
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Remove yourself from your achievements, Ianthe. From all of your acts, your connections and associations, all the comparisons you've bound yourself within. Look on yourself, then, and see your true worth, for it was you that forged these things. They did not forge you.
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If I don't have to accept the death of my twin sister, why should I?
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I just don't know if I can do what I have to in order to get it anymore.
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cw: psychosis
But I don't know for sure. It could be her. It sounds just like her. I still feel her, like only a twin can.
And Kiriona came back. She was lost in the Void for eight months and popped back out like no time had passed. That means it's possible that Corona will return too.
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Your sister is, as many have been over our time here, lost to the Void. Resurrection is therefore redundant. In fact, any gift the Duchess may offer you would be, as the Void is not something she can conquer entirely, or even face without aid.
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With Resurrection, I can bring her back. My Lord refused to teach it to me; Zlatka will.
So tell me, how can I let that go? She's my other half.
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Understand, I live with the hope that we will find a way to return, too. But to make plans on a guarantee of that is naive, especially when those plans cause harm to those currently around you.
This is your true choice, Ianthe. A future you cannot be certain of, or the present you are already living.
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I don't know. It feels like a betrayal against my own soul.
Thank you, for talking to me about this. I need to go.
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Regardless, though, I wish you peace and fortitude. Goodbye again, Ianthe.