CONTACT

[abundance]

Comments

Text (nebulous time before the duchess' stomach shows up)

[princess_of_ida]

[This was hard to do, but Ianthe thought Ningguang might be able to help her work through something that's been bothering her for weeks and come to a head now that a line was crossed with Ianthe. But it wasn't as easy as she was sure everyone thought it should be. Ningguang was harsh but pragmatic.]

Ningguang, may I ask for your perspective on a matter than has been on my mind as of late?

[abundance]

[A few weeks ago, Ningguang would have been very surprised to hear from Ianthe. Now, the surprise remains, but it isn't so extreme. She'd seen Ianthe's reaction in the recent discussions.]

You may ask, yes.

[princess_of_ida]

In your experience, when a person has dedicated their life to a goal - has worked, sacrificed, paid so much to achieve it - and has it right there in reach, but to take it from its source makes that person someone they don't want to be anymore... how do they reconcile wasting everything they have ever done and have it mean nothing?

[Welcome to Ianthe's Sunk Cost Fallacy.]

[abundance]

One can't see the end of the journey from the beginning. Just because the ending may not be as you expected does not make the journey itself worthless. In fact, it may well have been necessary in order for you to learn, to become the person that you are, or want to be.

What's more, new paths are always available. Would you have stopped at the achievement of this one goal? There's always more you can reach for, Ianthe.

[princess_of_ida]

How am I supposed to leave everything I am behind, just throw it away like powdered bone plundered of all its thanergy? Just give up the only thing that made any of what I've done worth it, a pinnacle from which to move beyond the constraints of mortal time.

I don't know who I am if I'm not this. What use am I if I'm nothing? Everyone seems to think that this should be an easy, obvious decision, but it's not. They don't know what I'd be giving up.

[abundance]

I worked my entire life to become who I am. Lady Ningguang of the Jade Chamber, Tianquan of the Liyue Qixing. But here I am without the Jade Chamber, without the Qixing, and without Liyue. Am I not myself without these things? Am I nothing, without them?

Remove yourself from your achievements, Ianthe. From all of your acts, your connections and associations, all the comparisons you've bound yourself within. Look on yourself, then, and see your true worth, for it was you that forged these things. They did not forge you.

[princess_of_ida]

I didn't do it for me. I just didn't want to lose my sister.

[abundance]

Loss is inevitable, just as change is inevitable. You are strong enough to accept that.

[princess_of_ida]

How can you say loss is inevitable when we literally have proof it's not? You've been resurrected yourself.

[abundance]

Because death is not the only loss that one can experience.

[princess_of_ida]

I experience that loss every fucking day of my life. Pieces of myself, the people I love, the dreams of a girl that wanted to make things better.

If I don't have to accept the death of my twin sister, why should I?

[abundance]

The possibility of it will always exist. Nothing truly lasts forever. Not money, not power, not even gods. You must accept that there are things you cannot change, so that you can be free to help the things you can.

[princess_of_ida]

But I can change that. Everything has been to learn Resurrection. And it's right here.

I just don't know if I can do what I have to in order to get it anymore.

[abundance]

But your sister isn't here to resurrect, is she?

cw: psychosis

[princess_of_ida]

She was. Then she got lost in the Void. She calls to me to save her... I hear her. All the time. Most of the time, I'm pretty sure that's just the Void using her voice - it drove me insane about a year ago.

But I don't know for sure. It could be her. It sounds just like her. I still feel her, like only a twin can.

And Kiriona came back. She was lost in the Void for eight months and popped back out like no time had passed. That means it's possible that Corona will return too.

[abundance]

I'll be clear, I say this next to demonstrate my meaning to you, not to speak ill of the Duchess.

Your sister is, as many have been over our time here, lost to the Void. Resurrection is therefore redundant. In fact, any gift the Duchess may offer you would be, as the Void is not something she can conquer entirely, or even face without aid.

[princess_of_ida]

I understand your meaning, but the knowledge I will gain has use and application in the future. One day, we will return home. One day, my sister will be with me. One day, she will die as she not immortal as I am.

With Resurrection, I can bring her back. My Lord refused to teach it to me; Zlatka will.

So tell me, how can I let that go? She's my other half.

[abundance]

And tell me, how will we return home? When will that be? Within your sister's lifetime?

Understand, I live with the hope that we will find a way to return, too. But to make plans on a guarantee of that is naive, especially when those plans cause harm to those currently around you.

This is your true choice, Ianthe. A future you cannot be certain of, or the present you are already living.

[princess_of_ida]

[That was the question, wasn't it? Ianthe still couldn't answer it, but at least they'd paired things down.]

I don't know. It feels like a betrayal against my own soul.

Thank you, for talking to me about this. I need to go.

[abundance]

I've given you guidance as plainly as I can, but I won't deny I have my own hopes of which path you'll choose. That your steps may cross my own once more.

Regardless, though, I wish you peace and fortitude. Goodbye again, Ianthe.